Although not my go-to for peer reviewed research, TikTok has done some heavy lifting with making attachment style a household name. But what is the reality and what does attachment have to do with feeling overstimulated and unable to stop performing?
Attachment refers to our internal working concept of our ability to get our needs met in the world: If I reach out, will I be heard? If the answer is a confident "yes, no notes" you are likely functioning with an overall secure attachment much of the time.
If the answer sounds more like, "as long as I am persistent," or, alternatively, "as long as I can handle what I need on my own," those caveats suggest an insecure attachment. Good news: Our attachment style is not fixed and an insecure attachment is not a failing grade. Understanding how we are operating with conditional safety and what exactly that looks like is at the heart of our work together.
Follow me: You've scheduled an appointment with me because your anxiety is barely contained and your relationship with yourself has become strained. You repeatedly ask yourself, "what is wrong with me?" or "why can't I just figure it out?" Underneath that frustration, we uncover a fear of failure, a drive to please others, or shame and doubt about your overall worthiness as a human being. Or maybe it's numbness, all emotions effectively locked away out of reach, the only clues to their existence exist in moments of panic, anger, or impulsivity.
Those underneath emotional experiences help us uncover the strategies you courageously developed to manage the overwhelming uncertainty of having your needs met in the world. Together, we work toward time-orienting strategies for what is true for you today - not what was true for the eight year old you who repeatedly felt lost in the crowd. The result? Earned secure attachment within yourself and an unwavering confidence in meeting your goals.