So, what if your partner won't come to couples counseling?
Individual EMDR and EFT benefits both the relationship and you.
Returning to the example of the dishes:
Maybe you decide that even though your partner isn't ready to address their side of the negative cycle, you'd like to stop carrying around the weight of "I have to be perfect," or the shame of the belief, "I'm bad."
We want to understand these negative core beliefs in context.
When is the first time you felt this way?
How can we connect with that version of you (that child given unwieldy adult responsibility) to signal safety?
Folding in ego state work is our next step. The effect is developing deep compassion for all lived aspects of you, which paves the way for EMDR reprocessing.
We don't have to linger in the past. You've been there. It's important to have a greater understanding of the present-day experience: How are you compensating for the heft of these negative beliefs in your relationship?
This can look like:
Avoidance
Shutdown
Defensiveness
Disconnect
Using EMDR within the framework of attachment addresses the raw spots in your part of the negative cycle in context. On the other side of reprocessing these negative core beliefs, you will experience greater ease. The dynamic will necessarily shift. It is not your responsibility to carry the weight of the relationship; your courage in doing this inner repair work may inspire your partner to begin their own journey.